His Many Moons
by karo rella
Summary: Sirius gets jealous of an inanimate object.


**His Many Moons  
**

"HE'S OBSESSED!" Angry eyes followed moving footprints.

"Bloody hell Padfoot, not again mate."

"He talks with him, he sleeps with him, and he eats with him… HE EVEN SHOWERS WITH HIM!!"

James rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Look! Look at him! He's taking him to the prefects baths!" Sirius whispered angrily, jabbing his finger at Remus' footprints on the Marauders map.

James rolled over, burying his face into an over stuffed cushion. "He probably gets lonely…like when you claim to get lonely in the baths you take your rubber duck. He's always done it before so why is it bothering you now?"

Sirius' eyes widened in a mixture of remembrance and horror.

"He…he…" The rest was whispered into James' ear.

"He ignored you?" Prongs blurted out, causing several other Gryfindors to turn their head.

"Not too loud!" Sirius hissed. "This morning I offered him pumpkin juice, but he didn't even answer! All he did was dig his nose even deeper into that… that…_thing!_"

"He must be quite taken then."

Scowling, Sirius directed his attention back to the map tracing Remus' footprints towards their dorms. "What took him so long? What could he possibly do with him in there!"

"Instead of getting worked up about it, you should try to talk to him. Tell him you're… concerned that he'll have print marks on his face if he buries his face any deeper-"

"You're absolutely right! Brilliant! Yes, all I have to do is talk to him and he'll completely understand!"

"That's the spirit mate! Oh, and don't refer to it as 'him'. It just might be a 'her'." James gave an encouraging punch to Sirius' shoulder as he stood from the couch. That moment the portrait swung open and a figure took a step inside.

"REMUS LUPIN, YOU'RE A WHORE!"

Dozens of Gryfindor heads turned to the innocent figure that had just entered. Everyone in the common room was silent until Remus' book hit the floor with a dull thud.

"You bleeding idiot!" James mumbled, slapping his own forehead. "I said talk to him, not accuse him!"

"I'm a _what_?" Moony turned pasty white, eyes bulging.

"A BOOK WHORE!"

"Don't listen to him Moony. He's not… he's not quite straight at the moment."

"I'm not quite _what?_" Sirius was aghast.

"Well… that parts true." Several other Gryfindors started whispering madly. Realizing the other two marauders were too stunned to move, James dragged them up to their dorms. "Listen Moony, you know Padfoot, he just has his moment… sort of like when girls have their monthly thing… And you! You have _your _monthly thing! Its just the same!"

""My monthly… _thing?_"

"And that's supposed to sound much better Prongs." Sirius scoffed still perked by his last outburst. "It's your dreadful advice that caused this."

"You're the one stalking Remus' footprints all the time and referring to his books as 'him'! You _needed_ advice!"

"That's completely irrelevant!"

"He was _stalking_ me..." Moony repeated in horror. James' and Sirius' argument started to sound like a loud maddening buzz of chipmunks until the word 'book' caught his attention.

"He likes his books more than you, Padfoot! He loves his books more than _chocolate_! And we all know that chocolate ranks higher than any of us!"

While the two continued to bicker, Remus regained his speech.

"Sirius, you're jealous of my books?" Immediately the tall, black haired boy froze as he faced two expectant faces.

"Me, the infamous Sirius Black, jealous of your books because you shower with them, sleep with them, and absolutely love them?" Sirius whirled on his heals and dramatically flung his arms outward.

"OFCOURSE I AM, YOU HOT SEXY WOLF!" James attempted to stop the rambling boy in fear of Remus over heating his body with his blush.

"Every time I see you with one of your bloody books, you completely block me out! The way your finger glides over hundreds of pages! The way you lick your finger when you get a paper cut! The way you blatantly lick your lips when they're dry from forming thousands of words in silence as you read! They're all the things I've imagined you doing because of _me_, not because of your damn books!"

With a final flamboyant wave of his hands, Sirius whirled around to find only James sitting calmly, if not smugly on Remus' bed.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius demanded with accusing eyes.

"Congratulations mate. You've really done it this time. You have officially…" James paused for dramatic effect.

"Scared him off."

Dumbfounded, Sirius stared widely back at the stag. Taking advantage of the other boy's silence, James continued. "I do remember advising you to _not_ mention your fantasies about him. Besides, only your perverted mind would interpret Remus' actions in _that_ way. I suppose this would be the perfect time say-"

"No…" Sirius gasped, only widening James' smirk.

"_I told you so._"

A/N  
I shouldn't have started another one without updating any of my previous fics, but I just couldn't help it.


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